I'll Have Poop Butter and Jelly, Please!

Seems everyone's up in arms about tainted peanut butter. New products get added to the recall list every day, jars of the stuff are being removed from shelves continent-wide, and Starbucks has pulled products containing the potentially dangerous nutty goodness.

Even President Obama has called for a review of the FDA, declaring that "we should be able to count on our government keeping our kids safe when they eat peanut butter."

As much as I feel sad for those impacted by either the deaths or the illnesses resulting from ingestion of salmonella-infused peanut butter, I'm starting to get a little ripped off about the hue and cry.

Cuz guess what? Government doesn't keep my kid safe when other kids eat peanut butter.

Nope, in this keep-the-government-outta-my-life-you-can't-tell-me-what-to-do nation, the right to send peanut butter to school with your kids is so entrenched that it's practically in the Constitution. We were shocked when we moved here to find out that not only were daycares/schools not peanut-free like they are back in Canada, but that they also had peanut butter on the menu! At the institutional level, nut allergies are barely accommodated. Bring up the question of banning peanuts, and parents get up in arms about being forced to change their children's eating habits just for the sake of someone else's kids.

I get that it's tough to come up with good ideas for school lunches. I get that some kids have a real affinity towards the ol' PB & J. I get that it's an easy source of protein.

But what I don't get is how other people can lay the responsibility for keeping peanut products out of my son's mouth almost entirely on him/me. Yes, his school has a "peanut allergy table" where affected kids sit (hello?! you have enough kids affected to populate an entire table and yet you still allow it in the building?), but that doesn't mean little Sally remembers to wash her hands before she touches him or that little Billy's cookie doesn't get mixed up somehow.

Again, I totally agree that we need to be responsible. We have an epi-pen onsite, we have talked with his teacher, and we work hard to teach him to be aware of everything he puts in his mouth and to ask about ingredients if he's not sure. But if he makes a mistake, we're not talking about a rash here.

We're not talking about a bit o' tummy trouble or even salmonella-induced diarrhea. We're talking about A-NA-PHY-LAC-TIC SHOCK.

Peanut products are being pulled from schools because of the off chance someone might ingest one that makes them sick. What are the chances that some of the peanut butter in a school might be of the tainted variety and then what are the chances of someone falling ill/dying because of it? I've got no figures, but I think we're talking about a pretty small chance.

The chances of my son having an extreme allergic reaction when he ingests any type of peanut butter? 100%.

So I'm getting angry. When it's your kid, and there's a minute possibility they just might be eating something that might make them sick, get it outta there. When it's my kid, and there's a huge possibility that he might eat something that will undoubtedly, 100% ensure a jab in the thigh, a trip to the hospital, and (if we're not super quick about it), an early grave?

"Oh, he just needs to be careful."

Grrrr.