It's Worth the Trip

 Monday, December 29, 2008

Aaand, we're back home. Amazing how quickly those trips to Canada fly by. One second we're all cheering because we've crossed the border onto Canadian soil, the next we're waiting in line for an hour to get back into the States.

As always, a good trip. So good, in fact, that I spent part of our drive home (the part where I wasn't cleaning up barf - here's hoping it was just some rich food The Boy ate and not the stomach flu) musing about all the things I love about The Automobile City.

Top 5 Things I Love About Steinbach:

1. Friends with nicknames. Barnacle Barb, Floral Fern, Tjelah, Rocky, Schellenboink...all names born from younger, much sillier times. I've certainly made friends since those days, but none which come with the resonances of 25 (or even 30, in some cases) years' worth of memories.

2. Pic'n'Pay Shoes. Once again, the 25% off storewide Boxing Week sale was kind to me. How is it that a tiny little store in southeast Manitoba can consistently carry such great shoes? And where else can you buy Skechers, Sorels and Naot from someone who's known you since you were a kid?

3. Never-Say-Die Entrepreneurial Spirit. Whether it's Dutch Connection > Grapes Grill > Stone Creek Grill or Hamdog > Kickers Chill'n'Grill > Roadhouse 52 > Directions, nothing says "I bet I can make a go of it" to a native Steinbacher like a For Lease sign. Seriously, though - sushi in Steinbach? Now that's optimism.

4. The "Why is Left of Centre Such a Difficult Concept" corner by Clearspring Mall. An endless source of amusement, that one. How many years have people been cutting one another off now?

5. Full-Service Car Washes. And I do mean FULL service - apparently you can wash pretty much any type of passenger-carrying vehicle. Behold, the glorious sight which awaited us at Super Splash:

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Boxing Day

 Sunday, December 28, 2008

I loved baby laundry. No matter how nasty or how stinky, no matter what better-left-unknown fluid had required extra scrubbing this time, no matter how many times I had washed that very same sleeper in the past week - I loved taking a load of baby clothes fresh and warm from the dryer and folding each wee item in readiness for the next round of spit-up.

As time passed, and The Girl grew, her clothes began to take up more space. No longer could I fit her entire wardrobe into one laundry basket, one drawer. I stopped tracking sizes in months and instead moved to the Ts. She stopped outgrowing her clothes weekly and soon I began to see the same shirt for more than two months at a time.

Then The Boy came along, and I started to use some of the wee items again, although only briefly given his propensity towards The Huge. The Girl's gold standard of fashion changed from "blue t-shirt with a picture" to pink shirts with lace (thanks Kinder Korner!) and I started separating the pink from the blue.

And the boxes of outgrown clothing began to fill.

There's something comforting about knowing you've got baby clothes in storage. It means you are Prepared. You may not be pregnant (or even thinking seriously about becoming so), but they're there If You Need Them.

They also mean that you are not Done. It's such an innocent question - "so, you think you guys are Done?" Yet such a complicated answer, one that requires the synching up of both head and heart, of both mother and father.

In my head, I've been Done for a few years now. Emerging battered, bruised, and only marginally sane from the infant years, I realized that my life felt pretty full with the two little people I've got. Full of love, certainly, but also full of about all the Little that I can handle.

Some days, 2 has seemed to be two too many, when I've been feeling particularly self-centered or I've broken up one too many fights about who is hogging the black marker. Some days, 2 has seemed to be two too few, when I've caught sight of those large families on those rare days when everything falls into place and they look like a Hallmark card. But mostly, 2 has seemed just about right, and things have hummed along merrily.

Ah, but my heart. It is easily fooled by the golden glow of remembrance and selectively recalls only those warm moments of holding sleepy, lumpy innocent angels. It dismisses any suggestion that I lack the mental fortitude to add another arrow to my quiver. It assures me that three carseats fit easily into the backseat of a Jetta, that we won't notice a 50% increase in the contributions towards the college funds, and that The Girl and The Boy would welcome and not resent an addition to the family more demanding than even they are.

Worse, it whispers to me that being Done means saying goodbye to my youth. It warns that I will be admitting that I have fulfilled the essential function for which my womanhood was designed, and that all those mysterious monthly processes are now somehow superfluous. It says that hanging a Closed sign on the Baby Shop seals me off forever from those hopes and dreams that, if I am honest, have never disappeared but simply lie dormant.

Now, I recognize the luxury of this position; so many would love to be wrestling with the "To Baby or Not to Baby" question and have both outcomes equally available. For those who have no choice in the matter, their answer might come easily. But despite being content with my choice (most days, anyway), the fact that there is a choice has meant that the boxes of clothes stayed in storage, as I waited for heart and head to be in synch.

On Friday I went through the boxes. I folded the wee items one last time, divided them by size and sex, and boxed them up again with clear labels like "Baby Clothes: Girl (12-18 mos.)" and "Baby Clothes: Boy (18-12 mos.)"

They're coming out of storage, you see.

And they're headed to nieces and nephews who will put them to good use, instead of languishing waiting for the baby that may or may not be.

Am I Done? Probably, possibly, maybe, I don't know. I do know, of course, that just writing this post invites the attention of the Oopsie God. And I also know that, if I do need baby clothes, the Albertville outlet mall is less than an hour away.

Which is as Prepared as I need to be.


The Girl's First LBD (aka Little Black Dress)



The Littles in the Finery of Christmas Past


Never too young for a collared shirt.

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Merry Christmas, HO HO HO!

 Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, etc. everyone! I trust that you and yours have found yourselves a cozy corner complete with cookies and with whatever token/lump of coal Santa has seen fit to reward you.

The "Best Parents Ever 2008" Award is totally in the bag. We reinforced the kids' conviction that begging is effective by rewarding the pleas of the past months with the oft-requested Nintendo DSs for Christmas this year. Although we got some Christmas cheer out of the gifts ourselves, given that they kept each child occupied for at least five hours out of the trip up to the snowy North on Tuesday afternoon.

It's a relatively quiet trip for us, unusually so, given that our calendar is filled mostly with large blocked-off sections of "reading," "eating," and "visiting with family." Wonderful things all, and activities that often get short shrift when we come for other visits and try to cram in as many people as possible into too short a time. I personally intend to finish both of the books I brought with me, and possibly get started on the new Miriam Toews which awaited me under the tree.

And with that, off to pour another cup of coffee and settle into a particularly appropriate Terry Pratchett, in which Santa (aka "The Hogfather") is a marked man and the Assassins Guild attempts to send him to sleep with the fishes. Who needs Dickens and his pitiful little Cratchett boy when you can have Father Christmas with a price on his head?

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Totally Saw This Coming, Part the Second

 Saturday, December 20, 2008

This would be funny......if it weren't for the fact that I now owe the Canadian government a total of $2,000. Five days before Christmas.

Did I not call this? Down to the day, in fact.

Perhaps I can use my newly discovered psychic abilities to make some stock market wagers to raise the money to pay Scrooge Mr. Harper. Seeing as how the stock market's not volatile at all these days.

Merry Christmas, PM!!

P.S. And for the curious, yes, my prescient abilities also included NOT spending any of the money - well, not much of it - that was sent my way, seeing as how I truly did see this coming, so the lion's share of it is sitting in the ol' SCU. It's not like we will now have to go and return all of The Girl and The Boy's Christmas presents.

But it's principle people - you don't give someone something, assure them that yes, it is indeed theirs, and then take it back.

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This Hurts Me More than It Hurts You

 Tuesday, December 16, 2008

He's Jekyll and Hyde, people.

Most of the time, he's sweet and sunny (if a little bit busy and energetic at times). He has some trouble with listening, but hey, he's five years old - it goes with the territory.

Where, oh where, did my darling child go?

Oh, I know. The Boy will always be my baby, and if he acts out he's just exploring his limits. But it sure felt like he'd concocted and consumed an elixir designed to reveal his basest instincts last night as I held down a screaming, clawing, biting, kicking (surprisingly strong for his age) child, answering his shouts of "I HATE YOU!!", "You are the meanest mom EVER!!" and "I wish you were old so you would be DEAD!" with calm assurances of my love for him and reminders that he is not allowed to hurt other people.

Yesterday was the second day in a row of this. On Sunday he got kicked out of the practice for the church Christmas pageant.

(Which will seem more or less harsh to you, depending on your viewpoint, when I tell you that I am the director of said pageant and I'm the one who turfed him. We'll see how the week goes as to whether this will be a temporary or a permanent suspension. I don't need some crazed sheep going nuts in the stable and scaring Baby Jesus.)

Of course, in my mind, two days in a row equals a lifetime, and as I played enforcer to my "go to bed early without supper" punishment, I simultaneously saw myself on television, shaking my head sorrowfully and saying, "he was always such a sweet boy" before they cut to my son, grinning fiendishly and remorselessly as he was led away in chains for grand theft auto and wilfull destruction of property.

Sigh.

Interestingly enough, though, I had two thoughts while protecting my face from being scratched:

1) Spanking would cure this.

2) I do not want to spank.

Even though I knew a swat on the bottom would probably shock him to his senses and put him in his place instantly, I also knew that it made zero sense for me to tell him not to hit me because it hurt me and then to turn around and hit him.

Please don't misunderstand me: I do believe that there are situations where spanking becomes necessary. I consider it as a last resort in my behaviour modification toolkit, and have always said that it could become a possibility if all other avenues prove fruitless and we have come to mutual agreement over the course of several, unheated and rational discussions.

Nevertheless, it just seemed so incongruous that I would answer his violence with more violence. That doesn't mean I would put up with further violence; he was harming others and so he was restrained. But I don't see how hitting him sends a message that hitting other people is wrong.

It seems to me that spanking teaches children to behave out of fear. I know it did me. The end may justify the means here; perhaps a few swats on the bum are necessary to provide deterrents until children grow up enough to attain an intrinsic sense of morality. Perhaps it's better to experience the loving disciplinary hand of a parent instead of the far-less-loving and more damaging consequences of the law. Perhaps I'm just a liberal pacifist idealist (raises hand - guilty as charged!). Perhaps you will all say "I told you so" when I admit defeat and administer a well-deserved smack on the ol' toot-smoke-maker in a few months' time.

But in an effort to never have to know for sure, let's all pray that Mr. Hyde goes back into hiding very soon, shall we? And that Dr. Jeykll re-emerges with sweetness and light, bringing radiant sunshine and unquestioning obedience along with soft kisses and warm hugs.

Maybe I'll even be able to cast him as an angel....

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Holy Toot Smoke* Batman!

 Monday, December 15, 2008

It. Is. COLD. here!!

(And yes, I know, many of you have been dealing with Winnipeg-in-the-basement temperatures for the last week. But before you start pelting me with frozen tomatoes, please remember that yesterday started off at 3 degrees above and rain before plummeting almost 20 degrees over about 8 hours. Can we get some compassion for the soft Minnesotans?)

People bundled up today like I haven't seen in ages. Of course, there are always those who are too cool for school, who remind me of those Manitoban idiots stalwarts who stand waiting for the bus wearing only a light jacket and no hat or mitts, trying to look nonchalant in -30 degrees with a windchill of -145 million. But, for the most part, everyone around here looks like Nanook of the North.

I, of course, pulled out The Parka, that fabled purveyor of warmth, and so fared quite fine. I did elect to take the bus today instead of my car; there's no plug-ins down here. Which is insane.

Alas, my house fares not quite so well. I can only assume that our house was designed and built by someone from California during a period when gas cost about a penny for a day's supply. How else can I explain the fact that we have no insulation in the outside walls. Yes, you read that right, and no, that is not hyperbole. There is NO insulation in our walls. I suspect we will personally be supplying bonuses to several Centerpoint Energy executives this upcoming season.

But we're back into the minus teens tomorrow, so here's hoping this was just a brief dip. I can't quite say the same for the 'Peg. Please have snow and mistletoe, indeed. Not gonna be a very warm welcome for our Christmas trip home.


* The other night, The Boy's hair smelled a bit funky, so I asked, "did you wash your hair with shampoo tonight?" To which he replied, "why? Does it smell like toot smoke?" And so another term for flatulence was born, which unfortunately has been running through my head at the most inappropriate moments all week. It does seem rather appropriate for a cold weather post, though, given that it's cold enough to be able to see your farts as well as your breath.

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From the Department of "Totally Saw This Coming But Makes Me Irate Nonetheless"

 Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Dear Ms. Mae,

Please find enclosed the results of our recent audit of your personal information currently on file with the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA).

You may notice that this notification directly contradicts provides an update to another letter mailed recently directly to your U.S. residence in which we indicated that you were, in fact, eligible for exactly this amount and that we had deposited said amount into your bank account.

You will be pleased to know that this clawback redistribution of wealth represents your contribution to Canada's response to the recent economic crisis gripping the world. Following up my successful disbanding of Parliament for a seven-week holiday desperate attempt to shore up political support brainstorming-session-in-which-I-come-up-with-a-way-to-right-our-country's-ever-present-financial-woes, I have come up with a plan to squeeze blood from a stone reclaim monies distributed erroneously by us to Canadians living abroad.

(Of course, once we subtract the amount it cost us to have bureaucracy in place whereby we assessed your claim the first time, sent you the first letter, submitted the money into your account, reassessed your claim, and sent you the second letter from the actual amount you return to us, we will probably have spent more than if we had just let you keep the money in the first place. However, "liberating money from US bank accounts that rightfully belongs to Canada" has a very nice ring to it and will help me perform well in the polls.)

We appreciate your enthusiastic participation in this endeavour, given your ongoing support of the use of your US tax dollars to fund federal bailouts. Although you are refused the right to vote in both countries and thus have no say in how your tax dollars are spent on either side of the border, we nevertheless are confident that you agree that, with our laudable history of astute financial planning, the Powers that Be on both sides of the 49th are in a better position to know how to spend this money than you.

Wishing you all the best this holiday season,

S. Harper

P.S. We are reassessing the Universal Child Care Benefit payouts next week. Looking forward to speaking with you again soon!

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And on Every Street Corner You Hear...

 Thursday, December 4, 2008

I love the Sally Ann Bell Ringers. They make me happy.

Of course, they also make me feel guilty (see previous post). But it's a happy kind of guilt, easily assuaged by dropping a few coins into the little slot.

The Army's out in full force these days, with ring-offs happening on street kitty-corners (really, why post two kettle-minders within tinkling distance - isn't that like two Starbucks across the street from one another? "Oh, they have different personalities." Perhaps there are two ways to ring a bell...) and locked-down red kettles swaying festively in the wind.

Now the soldiers themselves do not always look happy, which is almost the best part. Sure, I love the enthusiastic ones who throw themselves into their work with extra vigorous wrist snappage and cheery "Happy Holidays!" flung towards every passerby. But the ones who give a half-hearted jingle as they shift their weight back and forth on weary feet and give a brief nod of acknowledgement as I pass are my favourite.

Why so glum chum? I think to myself. You get to be a part of something fabulous - the guilting of wealthy people into giving away a bit more than they thought they would. If you're doing it as a volunteer, you get the satisfaction of knowing that You Helped. If you're getting paid, then perhaps you will be fortunate enough to avoid the very circumstances the donations you receive are intended to remedy.

But I completely identify with the Reluctant Volunteer, the person who gives time because it is A Good Thing to Do. I wish I were the type of person who has a natural servant heart and who takes pleasure in the mere act of giving. I'm not, though - I'm selfish and crochety and rather Ebeneezer-y. So I empathize with those who are likewise, yet force themselves out to their bell-ringing duties because they know that the world is a better place for it, even if they'd rather be at home watching Heroes.

So good on you, Sourface Sallys! Thanks for the reminder that even if we're just going through the motions, at least we're going!

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An Inconvenient Truth

 Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I took my car yesterday because I was vain. And then I felt guilty about it.

I'm pretty much a world champion when it comes to guilt. Don't know whether it's Mennonite guilt, liberal guilt, first-child-syndrome guilt, or just a heightened sense of hubris that leads to me assuming I'm actually responsible for everything untoward that happens (and, therefore, must feel guilty about it) or what, but "guilty until proven innocent" is my personal mantra and exculpatory evidence is rare.

So, having made myself late because I just had to blow dry my hair yesterday morning and thus missed the "make it to the bus" window, I jumped in my car and felt convicted that I had greeted Mother Earth with solitary-driver-diesel-fumes so punishingly and so very early in the morning, all because of my vanity. (My hair is very pretty right now, though, after last week's hair appointment.)

But then I thought, you know, I knew this would be a possibility back when I decided to forego my sleeping-on-wet-hair + next-day-bedhead look the night before. No, this was not (only) vanity that led to that little hole in the ozone layer with my name on it. It was another of the seven deadlies.

Sloth.

In addition to feeling guilty, I am also a world champion when it comes to being lazy. I procrastinate everything, and complete only that which comes with a deadline. The house is littered with unfinished projects (the baby blanket sans binding started when The Girl was three, my read-the-Bible-in-a-year bookmark stuck in Numbers, the Yoga Boot Camp box that has been opened only long enough for me to realize I don't like the look of the instructor).

And so, it shouldn't be surprising that I chose sleep instead of a few extra minutes to shinify my coiffure, thus leading to the infamous car debacle.

Part of me wants to blame technological advancements for my embracing of that internal inertia by which my body at rest will remain there. I live in a Jetsons world of washing machines, dishwashers, e-commerce and e-mail. Perhaps, I reason, the world is to blame for requiring less of me, leading me to require less of myself.

But that's silly, I know. If I were Laura Ingalls Wilder, I would have let the dishes pile up until we were out of clean dishes, instead of tidying up after each meal. If I were Lady Macbeth, I would have said, "ah, let him keep his crown. It's too much work to kill him." If I were Lot's wife, I'd have died in the flames instead of turning into a pillar of salt because I probably would have put off packing until it was too late.

No, I must face the truth. I am lazy because I do not like to do that which is inconvenient to me (i.e. pretty much everything of value).

And it's not that this laziness produces any benefit. Everything I procrastinate I ultimately have to do anyway, with the added bonus of less time and more cranky. Why is that? Why punish myself continually with guilt-inducing sloth only to have to play catch-up at the eleventh hour?

Samuel Johnson, great moralist that he was, wrote a piece on procrastination:

Thus life is languished away in the gloom of anxiety, and consumed in collecting resolution which the next morning dissipates; in forming purposes which we scarcely hope to keep, and reconciling ourselves to our own cowardice by excuses, which, while we admit them, we know to be absurd. Our firmness is by the continual contemplation of misery hourly impaired; every submission to our fear enlarges its dominion; we not only waste that time in which the evil we dread might have been suffered and surmounted, but even where procrastination produces no absolute encrease of our difficulties, make them less superable to ourselves by habitual terrors. (Rambler 134)

And yet, the story goes, Johnson himself wrote the article at the last minute, while the messenger boy sent to collect his submission waited in the hall.

At least I'm in good company. And now I should go fold some laundry. But I suspect I'll just spend my time surfing instead.

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If You Can't Find It, Grind It

 Monday, December 1, 2008

Whenever I visit the Great White North, as I did this past week for American Thanksgiving, I am astonished how easily I shift gears back into my old life. The smiles are familiar, and the jokes are the same. Conversations begin exactly where they ended in the last email. Reunions aren't tearful because it seems as though we didn't really leave in the first place.

It was a really wonderful weekend. I revisited all sorts of former stomping grounds - my job, my hair stylist, my church, my book club...so many of the things that made me love my life. We hung out with family and got to go to Steve Bell, which was faaaah-bu-lous.

(An aside: where else besides Southern Manitoba can you go to a concert where the performer asks the audience to sing along and they do - in four parts, no less - because they've been singing that song in church for ten years. Happiness, thy name is an advent concert at the Centennial Concert Hall.)

Of course, there are little things that remind me that I don't live there anymore. I get excited every time I see a Friendly Manitoba license plate because they're rare in my neck of the woods (although that gets pretty old after awhile). I miss my exit onto St. Mary's because all of that construction on the Perimeter gets a bit confusing. I die a little inside each time I see the ever-encroaching limits of Waverly West.

And is it just me, or has the graffiti in Winnipeg - Crestcentwood-ish, Osborne Village-ish - been ratcheted up to the next level? We took a swing by the old neighbourhood and felt a bit like we were in the abandoned railcar section at the CN yard.

Nevertheless, when I'm there, everything seems to fit properly - the world in me and I in it.

It's when I get back in the car and head for what-is-now-known-as-Home that everything gets out of whack. The clutch stops working and the gears grind as I try to make the transition smooth but ultimately jolt jerkily forward with each shift.

But hey, all you have to do is get into fifth and pray that you don't hit any of the lights, right?

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Freedom 55 65 75 RIP

 Saturday, November 22, 2008

The other night in the grocery store, I observed a woman lost in thought as she looked quite seriously up at the shelves. As I got closer, she hesitatingly took down a box, but seemed unsure of her choice as she examined first it and then the other boxes that she had left behind.

Coming still nearer, I realized that she held in her hand a box of store brand baking soda, and was agonizing over her choice between the no-name and the Arm and Hammer box still up on the shelf.

Murmuring a polite "excuse me," I reached past her, grabbed a box of store brand, and went on my way. Galvanized by my choice, she gave a personal nod of assent, and continued her shopping with the generic box in her hand.

It took me awhile to figure this one out. Why puzzle over baking soda? Baking soda is baking soda - same package, same size, twenty cents cheaper - it's a no-brainer, right?

But it's a sign of the times, it seems. All around me, I see people trying to pinch pennies, cut corners, and somehow make their dollars go farther. There's an underlying desperation in the Christmas ads this year - somehow the big sales spring from a place more sinister than usual. Somehow the pleas to purchase come not from a desire to increase already-high profits, but from a need to keep the wolf from the door.

Hardest to hear about are the people whose retirement plans have been put on hold, or even destroyed utterly. Since moving to America, I've often been struck by how many older workers I see. The Husband works with several people in their sixties and there's no talk of retiring. I hear people on the bus talking about working into their seventies, or declaring (as though it's some badge of honour) that their last day of work will be the day they're carried out on a gurney with an ID tag looped around their big toe.

This situation will only increase, as more and more people have to put off (or suspend) retirement and return to the work force. Of course, jobs are even more scarce than usual, and I pity the 65-year-old trying to update her resume and present herself as a viable candidate alongside applicants half her age.

Everyone's on edge. Discretionary purchases are put on hold (something which always makes me groan a little, for tightening the purse strings will prolong the economic agony, despite being a smart thing to do on an individual level). For sale signs are everywhere, with the not so uncommon anymore "Foreclosure" notice attached. People wait for pink slips, and breathe sighs of relief when they don't come, but know their relief is only temporary until they start worrying about the next round of layoffs.

Some people are considering store brand for the first time in their lives. And to be honest, I'm not sure this is such a bad thing. This country's economy lives (and dies, it would seem) on consumerism, and the conspicuous consumption that has long been the hallmark of being an American serves only to widen the divide between the rich and the poor, as the lucky few whose birth/education/good fortune led them to positions of wealth have been able to create for themselves a world that has nothing whatsoever in common with the world inhabited by the growing number of have-nots.

But I do feel for the entire generation of people whose golden years will now be a little - or a lot - tarnished and whose castles in the air have been blown to pieces by the economic storms. Not so much for those who never dreamed they would have to buy store brand, but for those who wonder if tomorrow will be the day they can't afford to buy any kind at all.

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Baby, It's Cold Outside!

 Monday, November 17, 2008

And not in a cutesy-yet-mildly-threatening call and answer song (no means no, loser!) kind of way. Oh my goodness, it was FREEZING today!

I've gotten totally soft living this far south in the balmy Icebox of the Nation, I'll admit it. I only just put my fall coat away a couple of weeks ago, and already I'm complaining that my winter coat plus mittens is not enough. Of course, I also go tripping out of the house at 5:30 am bare-headed with only thin skirts and nylons to cover the parts of my legs that show, so really, who's to blame on this one.

There's also the issue that it's halfway through November whilst my internal clock suggests we're somewhere in late September. Hello?! Since when are we forty-ish days away from Christmas? I rage every time I see holiday decorations, yet really we're not all that far off. Although I do maintain that it's too early to have the tree up (people by the lake into whose window I was peeping yesterday - your presumptuous festivity does not go unnoticed).

But, despite Time moving at such an offensive pace and the unwelcome cold and ever-present darkness that accompanies mid-November, there's lots of reasons to smile. Here - to brighten your day, The Girl's handiwork:


Now who can be sad when there's suns and rainbows and someone tells you "your part of my hart." Only people whose hearts are made of stone.

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Grrrrrr

 Thursday, November 13, 2008

(Warning: I'm cranky. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.)

I hate this time of year. Every year, I become more and more convinced that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, or whatever it's called when too many sunless days robs you of the will to, well, do anything. Hmm, it's kind of like reverse pathetic fallacy, isn't it - I get lugubrious like the sky.

The weather can't seem to make up its mind and so we're in never-ending cloudy murkiness with patches of rain and wanna-be snow. My office is full of windows that haven't seen any sun for days, and so it feels like I haven't woken up since about Sunday. With daylight saving + our plodding trudge towards the shortest day of the year, what little non-night there is seems to be disappearing exponentially.

In addition, my body seems to have played a fantastic joke on me by waiting until two years after 30 to shut down. I sailed into the decade thinking, psssht, what's everyone talking about? I feel the same as I always did. And now, ha ha, good one body!, I'm unpleasantly surprised by creaking and lassitude and a metabolism that has slowed. to. a. craaaawl....

(No metabolism + perpetual darkness + the carb-loading in which I inevitably partake at this time of year = hibernation. Wake me up in April.)

And, apparently, I've lost all will to avoid contractions. Next thing you know, it'll be a descent into comma splices and dangling modifiers.

That's about all I've got, really. I'm sorry - this post falls into the "better post something lest they think I'm dead" category - apologies. Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow.

(Noooooo...now I've got visions of red-headed moppets singing cheerfully about life's hard knocks and cheering up FDR. Or was it Theodore Roosevelt? Whoever was in the wheelchair...)

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Ahhh, The Church Skip

 Sunday, November 9, 2008

Yesterday was a pretty busy day. It was the Twin Cities MCC Relief Sale, and I got roped into helping volunteered to help with the children's activities. So, bright and early, I drove out to the site, uttering mild (non-violent, of course) curses at the 12 helium balloons obscuring my rear-view vision.

I lurve me some Mennonite action, as you all know, so it was fun to hang out in the world of verenkje and quilts for the day. Given that there's only two Mennonite churches in the cities, the lion's share of the work is done by the two congregations. A far cry from rural Manitoba, where everyone who's anyone is somehow connected to Mr. Simon either by birth/marriage/church affiliation. But also kind of nice to know so many people there.

My best part of the day was when The Girl got stuck in a tent on the auction stage with eleven other kids; the tent was a refugee tent used to house Bangladeshi refugees and the auction participants were told that each $400 bid (the amount MCC requires to build new homes for families rendered homeless by the cyclone) would free one of the children from the tent. The Girl was told she would be first out; I think the idea was that the teens in the back were last on the list because everyone figured they'd be in there for awhile (if they got to come out at all). I mean, this wasn't a "real" auction item; no one got to actually take anything home.

Well, they couldn't get those kids out as fast as they were "freed"; MCC raised 12X$400 within about one minute. Got me all teary-eyed to see people in somewhat unstable economic times throw their money about like that.

Then, as soon as I got home (cursing the now-16 balloons that were in my backseat, having been told to "take some home for your kids"), it was time to get ready to go to a party. An actual grown-up evening, a party without Pokemon-themed cakes or treat bags. Ordinarily, I would have come up with some excuse to get out of a party where I knew no one (it was put on by one of The Husband's coworkers), but after the whole "maybe it's time to find some friends who don't live 8 hours away" decision last week, I put on my brave girl panties and off I went. And, of course, I met some really nice people. (Mental note: stop being so darned shy.)

Today's been semi-uneventful. We skipped church, one of my favourite things to do. Now I firmly believe that there's lots of things that you should do because they're good for you even though you don't always want to (see: exercising, eating only half the bag of Old Dutch chips, not wearing yoga pants to work), and usually I put church attendance on that list. But every so often, I like to stay home, just to remind myself that I go because I choose to, not because it's just part of the routine.

Out and about running errands, my usually stalwart (if creaky) car suddenly sounded like it was driving over four tin cans and lost power steering. I was able to pull over, call The Husband (who confirmed roadworthiness of the limping home variety), and brought the ol' girl back. It's something about a belt and an alternator pump and a tension thingamajig (read: $$$$). So, we're a one car family for awhile again. Thank you Jesus for a husband who likes to bike to work and public transit!

So, y'all can keep driving, I guess - nothing to see here folks - just another typical weekend in the PM house: Mennonites, wild parties, and car breakdowns.

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Socialism - It's Not Just for Marxists Anymore!

 Friday, November 7, 2008

Alright, folks, we've got a pretty big backlog of blog items thanks to all the politicking around these parts lately. Important items of discussion such as why on earth the wardrobe people over on Heroes insist on making Hayden Panettiere look like she's one pinprick away from exploding. She is tiny in real life, yet they somehow squeeze her into skin-tight jeans from Gap Kids that are painted on and glossify her overly made-up face so that she looks water-logged and bloated all the time.

Or how Chipotle gets away with hiring only Mexicans. Is it a reversal of the staffing practices of all other restaurants around whereby the white people are in the back and the Mexicans are at the counter?

But before we return to our regular schedule of inanities, I must raise for discussion a slightly more serious question. Stuff a piece of paper into the White House Suggestion Box, if you will.

What is so frightening about universal healthcare?

See, it's annual benefit enrollment time at work for both me and The Husband. Educated, experienced and extremely lucky as we are, we've got great jobs with excellent benefits. In fact, our respective companies each offer two health plans, so we're mixin' and matchin' stuff from a wide variety of options.

Working in insurance as I did for a few years, I'm no stranger to benefit summaries. But what does seem strange is talking about primary care physicians. Or co-pays for check-ups. Or out-of-pocket maximums for cancer care.

To some, this pay-as-you-go American brand of healthcare is awesome. Just read all the op ed pieces in Canadian newspapers extolling the virtues of the Mayo Clinic. Just listen to the horror stories of hallway medicine and three year waits for hip replacements. The solution, so many sigh, lies to the south, where their American neighbours get what they need when they need it.

And this is true.

Of course, it's only true if you have good health insurance. Sure, there's MedicAid, but that's for the really poor. It's the not-so-really-poor and working-but-still-struggling people that really feel it. To be underinsured is worse than to be uninsured.

What good is next-day service by the top specialist in the country if your HMO says you're not eligible for treatment? What good is top-notch cancer care that leaves you financially destitute and breaks apart your family from the stress?

And why, pray tell, is access to healthcare tied to employment? You know all the stories you're reading about the financial tsunami washing away America's jobs? Don't forget that those job losses go hand-in-hand with loss of health coverage. COBRA does let you continue health benefits for a little while, if you pay the premiums. Which is a tad tough to do if you don't have a paycheque. Just think about the people clutching those pink slips, heading home to a spouse with diabetes. Or a kid with asthma.

Don't forget the legal ramifications of off-loading health costs to individuals and insurance companies. Got no insurance and get hit by a car? Hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills that you can't pay? Sue and get the other person's insurance to pay. Is it any wonder they play all those ambulance-chaser lawyer commercials on Fox?

The bottom line is that privatized health "care" means that insurance companies, whose only interest is their bottom line, are in charge of the treatment most Americans receive. And as one of my insurance company coworkers often reminded me, insurance companies are in the business of making money, not - contrary to popular belief - of providing services.

There's nothing wrong with a company trying to make money. I don't blame health insurance companies for denying benefits - it's their job. I do, however, blame them for, reluctant to give up a cash cow, scaring the American public into fearing the spectre of "socialized medicine" as they like to call it down here. As though Uncle Sam paying for your doctor instead of your HMO is the equivalent of membership in the Communist Party

I also blame a government that offloads its responsibilites towards its citizens onto private companies who, by their very nature, will work towards making benefits less (and not more) accessible.

And I blame Americans themselves, at least those who bristle at the very thought of paying for somebody else's medical bills. The American Dream is all about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps; if you can't pull yourself up, the fault is yours, not the fact that you don't have boots. It's every man for himself, and why on earth should they have to foot the bill for some lazy person who refuses to get a job and get his own health insurance like everybody else?

The big problem with every man for himself is that, someday, at some point, you're gonna be somebody else. You won't have a job. Or if you do, you won't have enough money to pay your medical bills and your mortgage.

You'll wish you lived in Canada, where your annual pap smear is free. Immunizations for your kids are free. An ER visit to start your heart again is free. Your new hip is free. You can give birth in a hospital for free (average out-of-pocket cost - with insurance - around here is five grand).

You can die in a hospital for free.

In the second presidential debate, now-President-Elect Obama (whoop! "President-Elect" - that's fun to type!) said "I think [health care] should be a right for every American. In a country as wealthy as ours, for us to have people who are going bankrupt because they can't pay their medical bills -- for my mother to die of cancer at the age of 53 and have to spend the last months of her life in the hospital room arguing with insurance companies because they're saying that this may be a pre-existing condition and they don't have to pay her treatment, there's something fundamentally wrong about that."

Now I'm not sure I agree with his proposed solution for this (socialist that I am, I think taxes should be raised to pay for government-run healthcare instead of simply making privatized healthcare more accessible) but he is one hundred per cent correct that there is something fundamentally wrong about what we've got going on down here.

And so, while I wonder about saving the cheerleader from overly-tight pants and Chipotle's hiring philosophies, I'll continue to pray that I don't get sick. Because if I do, I'll have to call a moving company again. And see how quickly they can get me back to Canada.

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Well-Played America!

 Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yesterday was an amazing day. Truly.

It's not often this girl is rendered speechless, but when they finally declared the winner, even though the polls had been positive for the last few weeks, even though Obama's electoral vote tally had progressively outstripped McCain's exponentially throughout the evening, even though one could positively feel the winds of change in the air, I was still struck dumb that it actually happened.

It felt like those moments between nightmare and waking up, when you realize that just maybe the whole world isn't being blown apart and you might just be able to escape the clutches of the boogey man.

It's as though there was the tiniest ember of hope inside of me that this country could somehow slow and perhaps even reverse its decay, a hope that I didn't even realize was there and had been suppressed until yesterday's victory fanned it into a roaring flame.

And it was not (merely) relief that I don't have to commence daily and vigilant prayers that John McCain will remain healthy throughout an entire presidential term. It was not (only) admiration that a nation still so defined by its roots of slavery and racism could with such unity raise to its highest office a man who only decades ago could hardly have dreamed of a world in which some animals are not more equal than others.

It was, and is, a feeling of peace, of optimism, of well-being that floods through me whenever I hear him speak.

But it's not just me. It's millions of Americans (and countless others around the world) who hear Obama speak words of change and feel that not only is it possible, but that they can and will be the ones to bring it about. It's a nation that has been beaten down and is tired of hating themselves and each other and the rest of the world that now feels a renewed sense of worth and purpose.

Which is why I say, "of course. So what?" when the naysayers immediately started pointing to campaign promises that he can't possibly keep and to the trials ahead in which he will no doubt take some faltering steps. Governing a country is like trying to steer an oil tanker; changing direction happens slowly and incrementally.

What matters is that someone is finally steering this ship in the right direction.

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Ballot Boxes and Borscht

 Monday, November 3, 2008

Just over 13 years ago today (October 30, 1995, to be exact), I sat in front of my television along with millions of other Canadians to watch the results of the Quebec referendum on sovereignty.

To provide sustenance, I made a huge pot of sommer borscht, because how better to stand vigil for a country's multiculturalism than by consuming a product of it. I went through one, two, three, four, and five bowlfuls of the stuff in an attempt to calm my inner turmoil.

And turmoil there was. I thought then, as I do now, that Canada was a darn good place to live. And not only did I want the Canada I knew to remain its unified self, from sea to sea to sea, but I also wanted the folks in Quebec to want the same thing.

Some of you may remember how tense that evening was as Peter Mansbridge interpreted authoritatively the results that trickled in, teetering first one way and then back again, see-sawing back and forth between a country united and a country divided.

At the end of the evening, with a "Yes" vote declared, I felt that a victory had been achieved. But it was a hollow victory. With only 50.58% of the votes cast for remaining in Canada, I couldn't help but think one thing.

Half of Quebec still wants out. Now what?

I'm reminded of that evening tonight, on the eve of the 2008 presidential election. Because no matter what happens tomorrow, approximately half (if polls are to be believed) of America will feel anger, frustration, and quite possibly a real sense of fear about the fact that the other side won the day.

This election has been heated and close. It might simply be by virtue of proximity, but I cannot remember this kind of interest and passion regarding a presidential election - both from Americans and those abroad - in my lifetime. There's a sense that there is something big at stake here, that the future of this nation rests on tomorrow's vote.

And with so much riding on this next presidency (or the impression among voters that there is), the elation of the winning candidate's supporters will be matched tear for tear, shout for shout, by the despair of those who find themselves on the losing team. They will feel not that they have simply lost this year's championship and that they merely need to rally for next year's contest (Palin 2012!!), but that the centre will not hold, that the country will descend to the depths of an abyss from which it cannot emerge.

So, on the one hand, I'm definitely glad it will all be over tomorrow. I'm tired of the snide comments, the baseless accusations, and the sandbox-worthy power struggle. But at the same time, I know that it will certainly not be over tomorrow. There will be initial jubilation and disbelief, followed by wary glances from each side at the other.

Because now they'll have to work together if they're going to get anything done. The losers will have to swallow their pride and decide to do the best they can with the little they've got. The winners will have to resist the urge to gloat and instead extend words of kind invitation.

Otherwise it will just continue to be a country where half of the people want out but have no place to go and this nation divided will become more entrenched in their respective positions of Us vs. Them.

With no ability to cast a vote, I am as helpless as I was the night Quebec residents voted for their future. But I can make soup, or at least a pot of tea, and stand vigil once again. And hopefully, in 13 years, I'll remember tomorrow night as more than just a hollow victory, but a victory that ushered in a time of real cooperation, change, and hope.

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Toto, I've a Feeling We're Not in Kansas Anymore

 Sunday, November 2, 2008

This will likely come as a surprise to many of you, but...

We moved.

To Minneapolis.

Just over a year ago.

Alright, I can see where this wouldn't be a surprise on a cognitive level. Many of you have noticed that we haven't been around all that much in the last 14 months. Some of you have even visited us here in the US of A and confirmed the veracity of this transplantation with your own eyes.

But somehow, even though I also knew this to be true, it kind of just hit me yesterday.

The catalyst was the annual church directory. I received a copy of the names and addresses of people who attend our Winnipeg church. I scanned through it, smiling at all the names I recognized, and also at those I didn't recognize thinking, how nice for them that they've found such a great place to call their church home.

But as I reached the end, I realized, hey, there's only one family on that list that doesn't have a Winnipeg-or-nearby-vicinity address.

Mine.

Now, as far as I'm concerned, FG is still my home church, even though we've been attending our local one for almost a year now. We get back every chance we can, and we're probably averaging one attendance every couple of months (which is possibly better than some other people on that list). Everybody's always glad to see us - or seems to be - and many have kept in touch beyond those always-too-short visits.

But now I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just deluding myself. Maybe home isn't where the heart is; maybe home is where you hang your hat. And maybe I need to start working a bit harder to make those two places the same.

Our tendency to move every year doesn't help in this regard. Given our track record, there was really no reason to rule out a move back to the 'Peg within a year of touchdown in Minneapolis. We go through addresses like other people go through Hallowe'en pumpkins - get a new one every year cuz last year's is soggy.

And this transitoriness (is that a word? If not, it should be, as it describes my life) means that any attempts to make a house a home are delayed until I'm sure they're worth it. Of course I work hard to get the kids settled - find new friends, locate the nearest parks, develop a new school routine -and get a semblance of routine for myself so I can cling to as much sameness as possible, but ultimately these patterns of life are simply a new veneer over the "old life."

But the longer I'm away from that old life, the less it works to have that as my foundation. With one foot on the dock and one foot in the boat, I feel constantly unstable. Never willing to say goodbye to the world of the past, I prevent any new experiences from taking root for fear of them supplanting the old.

This isn't homesickness, I don't think. Goodness know I've done that often enough over the past year. This is different. This feels more like an uprooting. Or the final closing of a door. Like Dorothy in Oz, I've left behind the sepia-toned familiar world for the technicolor strangeness of the new. Except I don't have any ruby slippers, and I can't just click them three times to return.

Even though my heart keeps repeating "There's no place like home."

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Out-Candied, Out-Treated, Out-Tricked

 Saturday, November 1, 2008

Happy (belated) Hallowe'en, everyone! Ours began at 5:30 am yesterday when The Girl called me from her room as I got ready for work.

"Only two more hours before I can get up to go to school and wear my costume!"

So the excitement level around here was pretty high. The Girl went as Lucy from The Chronicles of Narnia. We couldn't find a diamond bottle containing the elixir of life, so an American Girl Body Lotion bottle became a good stand-in. The Boy was Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars, although, with a "no violent costumes at school" rule in effect, his light sabre stayed home, which meant he went as "kid in brown."

Trick or treating was extremely profitable, as our new neighbourhood has a high candy/distance travelled ratio.

In fact, it only took about three long blocks or so before the bags were too heavy to be carried and both kids asked if we could head for home.


Here we are accompanying our brood along the Candy Trail. The Mennonite in me ("free candy, how can you pass it up!") fought a bit with the Wet-Blanket Mom in me ("why should we encourage them to get more of the teeth-rotting stuff?) as we walked wearily towards home, passing houses with lights on and more of the sweet treats beckoning.

The Boy's treat came when he got lost in a maze one creative person had set up on his front lawn. Having successfully made it to the centre to claim his prize, he freaked out and was too far in for a parent to swoop in. Fortunately, a damsel in distress (aka a teenage girl wearing a princess costume) came to his rescue and held his hand to help him get out. So we spent the rest of the walk home marvelling at how beautiful and nice she was (he looooves the ladies, my little Anakin).

And our trick of the evening was our daily cheating of certain death, as The Boy raced across a lawn to take a shortcut and met someone's "lawn sign minus the sign." Seriously, why on earth would you just leave a gigantic piece of wire sticking up like some menacing croquet hoop on your lawn close to the street on Hallowe'en night in an area with no street lights. Must've been a McCain sign.

But we made it home without incident, to the annual sorting of the candy to remove razor blades and needles. The whole "take out the peanut butter" stuff has also taken on a new urgency - it used to be just a dislike but now accidental ingestion could lead to all sorts of epi-pen and 911 fun.

In the spirit of the sorting and stacking so prevalent in today's early years education, the treats that made it through our rigorous culling are now categorized and sealed into ziplocs by category.
And so we're done for another year. Hopefully the candy's gone before then, as 365 days of sugar rush would be just a bit too much for me.

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How Can We Sing the Lord's Song in a Strange Land?

 Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Some days it's pretty darn difficult being a Christian in America.

And it's not because it's verboten to talk about religion, or that you're one of ten righteous men surrounded by a sea of Soddom and Gomorites.

It's not because of persecution, either of the "throw you in jail kind" or the more subtle, but equally silencing, "raised eyebrow accompanied by a worldly smirk" kind.

No, I struggle with calling myself a Christian here in this In God We Trust country because of one group of people.

Other Christians.

At first, it was kind of refreshing to hear people broadcast their faith so publicly. Bumper stickers and t-shirts proclaim allegiances, open Bibles are read devoutly on the bus, and Barnes & Noble has a huge (and obviously profitable) section devoted to "Spirituality and Religion."

But the more I listened to the WWJDisms around me, the more uncomfortable I became. The more I heard people claim that the Lord was behind their particular brand of protectionism, the more I wondered how much this is One Nation Under God.

And the more I witnessed, wincing, Biblical justification for a most unholy war, the more I began to wish I could hide my light under a bush, oh yes. (Or take it away from a Bush, as the case may be, so he can no longer use words intended for peace to fuel his war-mongering. A "different tone" indeed.)

In truth, the monolith that is "Evangelical Christians"* reminds me of members of Oprah's Book Club. Each group takes mindless refuge in an outspoken leader who claims humility despite being tremendously powerful. Each group reads religiously the passages as directed by their spiritual advisor, and meets to discuss the accepted interpretations at set times in well-appointed buildings. And each group resembles God's sheep sometimes only in their willingness to trot stupidly behind their shepherd, wagging their tails behind them.

If these worshippers at the altar of Truth (as in "our truth is THE TRUTH and if you do not believe you will be cast unto the fires of hell" brand of Truth) were quietly pious, I would take no issue with them. They have the right to examine Scripture just as I do, and we are all convinced individually of our enlightened understanding.

But for some reason, the religious right has decided that this country is a Christian Nation, by God, and that public policy (and public servants) has to spring from, and enforce, the godly principles from which its glorious stars and stripes emerged and for which they represent the last line in the sand.

Except there's one problem. God is not a Republican from Texas.**

If He were, then I suppose He might be smiling down on the scared-yet-defiant-in-their-fear-of-The-Other hordes decrying the nation's downfall at the hands of The Gays, The Terrorists, The Illegal Immigrants, The Feminists, The Democrats, The French-Fry-Eating Traitors, and anyone else with the audacity to disagree with them.

But He is not (at least, his son sure wasn't). In fact, while God certainly works through political leaders (see also: Old Testament), He just as often works in spite of them (see also: Old Testament). His son had a decidedly apolitical, "take it or leave it" relationship with government.

However, you wouldn't know it if you looked at the weeks and months leading to the upcoming election.

No, it would seem that, for many Americans, the future of this country depends on whether its elected leaders are the right kind of Christians. (That they are, of course, Christians goes without saying. Rumours about Obama's being a Muslim continue to persist - and sway voters who believe them - because a president of another faith would be unthinkable and worse even than an atheist.)

Witness the choice of Sarah Palin as VP candidate. McCain chose her, over many, many (many, many, many...) other more qualified candidates in part because of her beliefs. Because he knew that her pro-life anti-abortion, anti-evolution, anti-gay, God-fearin' ways would attract the religious right who were wondering what had happened to their Republican party. Witness the story that just won't die about Obama's former pastor, Jeremiah Wright, and his hate-mongering - the suggestion being "if this is what Obama hears on Sundays, what will he do for us the other six days?"

To be fair, the folks on the other side aren't doing much better. Witness the YouTube video of Palin being blessed in her church, one component of which was requesting God's protection from witchcraft, and the howls of derision it engenders. Or the mistaken correlation between her being just not so smart when it comes to matters scientific and her being a Christian.

The problem here goes beyond Republican and Democrat. It finds its root in the misguided belief that America is a Christian nation and that this is something that must be protected. Christianity is a personal faith - at most, one can have a nation of Christians (or people who call themselves that), but never a Christian nation. It doesn't exist; there's nothing to be protected.

And so I cringe when the inevitable question of a candidate's religious beliefs comes up. I cringe because what passes for "Christian" in this nation is so, so far from what I read in the Bible and directly contradicts the life Jesus led. I cringe because the right's insistence that a candidate be molded in their image of God becomes a stand-in for what "Christians" believe and I'm lumped in with a group with which I have little in common other than that we all own a Bible. I cringe because the (often understandable) backlash at this type of Christian prevents the voices of other Christians from being heard.

And I miss Canada, where church and state are far apart and being a Christian is an oddity, and not either a mark of achievement or a liability.



* Yes, I am aware that the term has come to mean only a particular brand of Christianity, the fundamental religious right, and that there are many outside of that brand who might also fall into a broader definition of "Evangelical Christians" - and therein lies the problem.

** My thanks to Mary Doria Russell and her book The Sparrow - it's Jesuits in space with a moral.

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Cuteness Overload

 Monday, October 27, 2008

School pics arrived on Friday:

Note: we let the kids choose their own background and pose. And yes, The Boy's hair is diagonal. It just grows that way.

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Picture Post

 Friday, October 24, 2008

I haven't been stellar lately at posting pictures of the kids. Here you go - some typical times at the PM house: Playing DDR. I don't know why they're in swimsuits.

The Boy's favourite pastime - printing off Pokemon colouring pages from the Internet and then tracing them. I don't get the appeal, but a small part of BC's forests is barren because of it.

Their mutual obsession - Webkinz. (And yes, I know he's wearing only underwear. It's difficult to keep him clothed for some reason.)

On a bike ride by the lake.

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Dating Habits of Parents of Young Children: Infrequent, Cheap, and Bring Your Own Bags

 Thursday, October 23, 2008

There are lots of things I miss about Manitoba, but one of the ones I feel most often is the lack of quality (and often free!) childcare. With two sets of grandparents nearby, it was rare that we couldn't find someone crrrrrazy enough eager to mind our children for anywhere from two hours to two weeks. When we moved to Winnipeg, we were fortunate enough to add to that roster two fantastic teens from church who were much-beloved by our children (and even more beloved by us as they brought crafts!).

So one of the biggest shocks in terms of lifestyle change after we moved was the inability to make plans that didn't involve our children. It's a shame, really - Minneapolis is chock-full of the arts and great restaurants abound, but our experience of them has tended towards the Children's Museum/Noodles and Company end of the spectrum.

But we do have one wonderful babysitter whom the kids adore - the neighbour girl to my coworker who suggested her last year as a last-minute pinch-hitter for my work Christmas party.

We've asked her to babysit a number of times since then, but tonight was the first night we didn't have an actual event we need to attend. It was, in fact...A Date.

Yup, a real, honest-to-goodness date. A young cousin of mine once characterized an official date as having two equally important components: "going out to eat, and stuff."

So we did - we went out to eat to a new find - a nearby "French" cafe and bakery. It was awesome - the quiche was creamy, the salad dressing was homemade, and the pistachio creme brulee was all pistachio-ey. And they serve French beer - Kronenberg is great stuff. Kids eat free on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so chances are we'll be back.

Then we capped the evening off with our stuff: grocery shopping. Sigh. You know you're no longer young and cool when the highlight of your evening is ooo-ing and ah-ing over the ethnic food aisle, and the height of emotional intimacy in the evening comes via a passionate mutual outcry against Chicken in a Biskit. (Have you ever heard of this assault on common decency?! It's a cracker that contains actual chicken. Only in America.) Although we did find for-real Coke in a glass bottle from South America made with cane sugar, so it was very much worth the trip.

The clock struck 9:00, and we whisked our pumpkin home, The Husband to put away the groceries and me to drive the babysitter home. And now it's almost 10:00, which means it's past my bedtime.

Young and cool, indeed. But definitely worth it. We'll have to plan another such outing. May 2010 looks like it might work....

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An Open Letter to My Black Skirt

 Tuesday, October 21, 2008

To my skirt:

No, not the black knee-length skirt with the flare. Not the black knee-length one with the slit up the back. Not the black knee-length one with pinstripes. No, not even the black knee-length denim one that I accidentally shrunk in the wash which now awaits the gaunt frame of someone recovering from a debilitating bout of Lyme Disease.

No, I address this to the plain Jane, just-below-the-knee, two small-but-saucy slits up the side, perfect skirt.

I wore you first to my thesis defense. Not only did you provide courage as I faced the committee (whose first question was "did you know you spelled 'university' wrong on the front page?"), but you also gave me a tantalizing glimpse into a future that was not all about diapers and sleepless nights. The first item of clothing purchased after the birth of The Girl, you reminded me that there was life after maternity jeans and that I could be a good mom, a smart woman and a fox, too.

Since that day, you've been my go-to item of clothing. Equally comfortable keeping company with flats or heels, bare legs or tights, you sailed effortlessly from season to season. You even saw me through my second pregnancy, somehow altering your shape to surround my burgeoning belly without any awkward pulling of fabric. Your only nod to the changes wrought by seven months of pregnancy was to raise your hemline ever-so-slightly - a sly, naughty wink at the vixen who merely lay dormant underneath the pregnancy weight and the tendency to waddle.

Second life came to you from that magical elixir of youth known otherwise as a bottle of Rit dye, and you emerged from your mid-life charcoal slump to once again lend your midnight smolder to my efforts to live Audrey Hepburn's immortal advice: you should always wear two colours, and one of them should always be black.

But alas, an extension of hours does not translate into immortality. Despite our best efforts, we have both broadened over the years, me with my posterial real estate and you with your seams that show signs of giving. And today, like a tired yet valiant horse who falters where he once firmly trod, your hem gave way.

Oh, you tried to hide your shame, resting on years of a sharply-creased hemline to keep appearances in order. But I knew as soon as my knee found purchase in the fold that you had begun that unravelling which leads only to the thrift store pile.

Dearest of dears, first and best black knee-length skirt of them all, I will no longer press you into service. Rest now, my darling, at the back of my closet, full with the knowledge of having done your duty faithfully and well, and that I remain

Stockingly yours,


PM

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I Went to Wisconsin and All I Got Was This Lousy Lyme Disease

 Monday, October 20, 2008

EWWWWW! Guess what I found nestled cozily IN MY LEG this morning?!

Yup, I was minding my own business, trying to face the spectre that is Monday morning with a nice, hot shower, when I noticed that my leg hurt. Then I saw what looked like a big ol' scab.

Then I noticed it had legs.

Carefully finishing shaving my legs (one must keep one's priorities, of course), I dried off and ran to shake The Husband out of sleep. He bravely (if incoherently) pulled it off and I limped over to the computer to google "deer ticks" and "Lyme Disease".

So, of course, today has been one psychosomatic fever chill and mild paralysis attack after another. I've already worked out how I'll go on long term disability and figured out my work-from-bed schedule as I recuperate from a debilitating disease, so I think we're good to go.

Said tick bite actually came about in a fairly fun fashion. We went to Eau Claire, Wisconsin yesterday to visit a church that our current church started a few years ago. The entire junior Sunday School class plus parents went, which swelled their membership to double the size, I think.

Then we got to visit the homestead belonging to the pastoral couple for lunch. The Boy and The Girl had oodles of fun feeding corn and grass to the hens and the goats. I realized that goat cheese smells, oddly enough, of goats. Funny how I don't mind it in small doses.

So, a good time was had by all. Including the deer tick, who caught a ride home in my clothes and enjoyed the sweet taste of my blood before shuffling off this mortal coil.

Oh, and for some reason the tick was dead when I found it. So a) I have toxic blood or b) the disease it carried overwhelmed even its disease-ridden body. I'll keep you posted.

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The Card Leaped Out of My Hand and Swiped Itself, I Swear!

 Saturday, October 18, 2008

When I was in junior high, I desperately wanted a Grand Beach Club t-shirt. Remember? Those tie-dyed ones that were Chip 'n' Pepper knock-offs?

(I also wanted a hypercolor shirt, but even my questionable fashion sense recognized the undesirability of a shirt that changed colour wherever your body heat went up. This was junior high: my body heat was unpredictable and rather sweaty when unleashed by all those puberty hormones - why exactly I would want to advertise this pituitary craziness was beyond me.)

Having already exhausted my parent-presented clothing budget, I moped around complaining about how I didn't have enough to pay for one myself out of my babysitting earnings. I fretted to my mother, "you know, I just wish I had enough money so I could always have enough in the bank to buy something I wanted when I wanted it and not have to save up for it."

She burst out laughing and said, "honey, that's all everybody wants!"

And in that moment, it was as though a financial light bulb lit up. I realized that I wasn't alone in my wanting more than I could immediately afford. Perhaps even the proverbial Joneses didn't feel as though they had everything.

Since that day, I've become increasingly convinced that - the very rich and the very spiritual aside - people of all economic levels live with a constant sense of want. There's always something just a bit better than what they have, no matter if what they currently have is a Sapporo or a BMW. It's not necessarily a question of keeping up with those Joneses (who themselves are trying to keep up); sometimes it's a question of wanting more education, or a house, or a family vacation.

Given this sense of "if only I had [insert item here], things would be better," the current economic turmoil facing the world should not be surprising. For what could be more perfect than the ability to pay for today's pleasures with tomorrow's dollars? How fantastic, how carpe diem-ish, to be able to enjoy the gratification of desires for as long as possible?

Except that, if the never-ending thirst for more leads not to the hoped-for feeling of well-being but simply to the replacement of yesterday's want with a bigger and better coveted prize today, one ends up spending more and more of tomorrow's dollars. And if tomorrow's dollars don't materialize as planned, then one has a significant problem.

Don't get me wrong, I think credit is awesome. It's convenient, it allows me to pay bills once a month, and it is pretty much a necessity for modern life. Even my kids' daycare refuses any other form of payment.

That said, the benefits bring with them a huge responsibility. My parents rarely used their card, preferring to stick to cash and being able to "see" where the money went. I'll admit that I tend to overspend when I've got plastic in my hand, and that there are more Chipotle vegetarian bowls on the ol' Amex than I would probably have bought had I been restricted to paper money. I have to work to remind myself whenever I make that oh-so-easy "swipe 'n sign" at Target that my online account balance will be reduced by that number at some point.

Which is why I am becoming increasingly angry at the response to the current Wall Street woes. John McCain said in Wednesday's debate that Americans are "innocent victims of greed and excess on Wall Street and also in Washington, D.C." But he's not the only one casting the American public, drowning in debt, as unwitting pawns in a high-stakes, ultimately devastating game of chance played by the heavy-hitters in the financial markets.

The movie Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders attempts to portray Americans as just that - prey. Prey who fall into the traps laid carefully by lenders eager to extend easy credit to the disadvantaged and then even more eager to spring the trap of high interest rates and high-pressure tactics to squeeze money from bankrupt accounts like blood from a stone. It argues that government, with its multi-billion dollar debt, has set an example of "Do not pay until...never" and encouraged excess in its citizens who have fallen for this version of the American Dream hook, line, and sinker.

Except that people aren't fish. They're not sheep. They're not prey. They're certainly not victims.

Covetous? Yes. Desirous? Yes. Prone to instant gratification? Yes. But victims? No.

Can I sympathize with someone whose bank said oh-so-convincingly, "yes, of course you can afford this house - just look at how prices have increased over the past years!" or someone who interpreted the plethora of credit card offers as an indication of their worthiness to use that credit? Sure. Do I recognize that few could have seen this coming, and that the statement "houses will always appreciate in value" hasn't ever been questioned before? Definitely.

But I resent this complete off-loading of responsibility onto Wall Street and the so-called "predatory lenders" although they certainly do bear some responsibility, and this downturn goes way beyond bankruptcies and foreclosures and heads into some pretty murky territory of selling debt.

Nevertheless, purchasing today what you can only afford (maybe) tomorrow is risky business. And undertaking those risks without really understanding the possible downfalls is not being a victim - it's being negligent.

You want your Grand Beach Club shirt and you don't have the money today? Go ahead and put it on the plastic. Just don't blame someone else when the babysitting job falls through.

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So What If I Had to Work Today? I Got Homemade Pie This Weekend!

 Monday, October 13, 2008

Happy Turkey Day, everybody! I kind of forgot about it, actually, until my mom emailed me to tell me about the fantabulous dinner my family's having tonight. Without me. Sigh. We're having leftovers.

But I have zero complaints, given that those leftovers are from our also fantabulous weekend. Some dear Canadian friends came to stay awhile and it was awesome. There was bike riding and apple picking (see below) and kids playing and LegoLand-ing and IKEA-ing and DDR-ing.

And, my sweet friend made not one, but two pumpkin pies for us. Given that last year's ode to Thanksgiving was Sara Lee, this year's pies (the nutmeg! the cinnamon! the whipped cream!) sent me over the moon.

Being filled to the brim with post-company happiness, I definitely had an easier time being thankful today than I would have ordinarily while sitting at my desk on a business-as-usual kind of work day. So while y'all were taking your mettaschloppes, I was thinking of all the things for which I'm grateful:

1. A smooth transition to the new house/school. Hard to believe it's only been six weeks.

2. Our church. We went yesterday after a couple weeks off, and it was nice to go and feel like we belonged.

3. My job. Still stresses me out sometimes, but it definitely feels like I'm starting to find my footing. Plus, given the crazy economic times, I'm pumped to have a job.

4. The three that make up the other 3/4 of the Peitricia Mae clan. Super-dee-dooper kids and a loving, incredibly patient husband (not that living with me is anything but sunshine and lollipops) make for some very shiny days.

5. The fall colours. There is so much red down here and the trees are simply blazing away.

6. A beautiful weekend. It was 26 degrees here yesterday!

7. Garden of Eatin' tortilla chips. Best ever.

8. The peace that passeth understanding.

9. All the folks in Canada who love us and still miss us and disprove the ol' "out of sight, out of mind" nonsense.

10. The Jetta's seat warmers. May your hearts be as warm today as they make my fanny.



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It's 6:19; Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

 Monday, October 6, 2008

I don't. Haven't the foggiest.

Well, really I do. I'm just kind of revelling in the fact that I can send my kids outside after school and not have to a) worry about where they are or b) come up with activities for them. Especially when TV/computer time is forbidden for the evening for someone who has bus behavior issues (you get one guess).

I'm so pleased about the neighbour situation at the new house. Other than the last week of our house on Warsaw when my usually-in-daycare brood discovered the next-next-door hooligans or that summer in Steinbach with the German bullies (including the kid who climbed up our deck to watch us eat our supper and declared that he was hungry and why couldn't we give him a hamburger), we've never really done the on-site playmate thing.

So strange for me, who grew up with not only a plethora of neighbours, but also a block where all the backyards faced a park to which we'd escape as soon as school was out and from which we'd not return except for supper or dusk.

Despite having the relatively lax supervision common in small towns a generation ago (or perhaps because of it), I tend to be a bit, oh, hover-ey when it comes to my own progeny. I was aghast the other day to discover that The Husband merely shoos them out the door in the morning, instead of walking them to the bus stop that is three houses down the street. Today The Boy was having a somewhat negative reaction to the consequences for his aforementioned transportation misdemeanours (about which he was totally forewarned - coming off and protesting that you were "medium" on the behavior spectrum does not count), and I made sure that he pouted in the gutter in front of our house where I could see him, and not at the neighbours.

But slowly, I'm relaxing my grip a bit. Each time I do, I do it with a bit of fear, but then relief as the kids not only manage, but flourish. I quake a bit to think about the games they're playing and the injuries they're (just barely) escaping, but I also know that the road to adulthood is travelled incrementally, and that denying them backyard hooliganism now will likely result in a rebellion of car-stealing proportions down the road.

Nevertheless, better go check on them. Seeing as how it's October 6 and they're out there in swimsuits - might be prudent to show the neighbours that there's some adult supervision going on here. Or maybe they'll just chalk it up to those crazy Canadians again.

(Update: The Boy just came racing in, sopping wet, yelling "sorry, Mom, I'm so so sorry but I broke a glass and I'm so so sorry." Off I go...)

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Well, Her Suit Was Really Pretty. Also.

 Friday, October 3, 2008

On days when the ol' job gets a little bit crazy, I like to go for a quick walk down the street. Yesterday was just one such day, and it was Farmer's Market to boot, so I decided to stroll down Nicollet Mall and enjoy looking at all the fresh produce and pretty flowers.

Unfortunately, too mesmerized by the sights, I wasn't watching where I was going and looked up at exactly the wrong moment and made eye contact with the person I've been avoiding for weeks.

The eager voter registration volunteer.

I hate being asked the inevitable question: "Have you registered to vote?" I'm incapable of lying when asked a direct question, so I invariably mumble, "No." But I can't just keep walking. I absolutely must defend myself. I am not some apathetic 30-something who thinks her vote won't matter anyway, so why bother. So they look at me expectantly and I say with a sigh, "I can't vote. I'm not a U.S. citizen."

(And of course, I get back a look of confusion and outrage - how-is-it-that-you-are-here-as-you-are-clearly-employed-and-where-are-the-deportation-police-when-we-need-them - as they back away and nervously say, "well, heh heh, make sure you register when you become one," or "I guess that makes it difficult for you to vote....")

Except yesterday, the would-be-register's friend stepped forward and pulled me closer and said, "wait a minute."

"Has anyone ever told you that you look Just. Like. Sarah. Palin?!"

Which is kind of like saying to someone, "hey, your haircut makes you look just like Forrest Gump!" or "ooo, nice beehive, Peggy Hill."

Now I'll admit, I had my hair pulled back halfway and was rocking the sideswept bangs and rimless glasses, but, former beauty-queen notwithstanding, it wasn't my best moment yesterday. Although perhaps that means I also look like Tina Fey. Which would be okey-dokey by me as she is both smart and hot.

So anyway, the debate. I was actually more worried about Biden. That man is crrrrazy and his unpredictability had me very, very nervous. But Joe B came through - he was steady, reassuring, knowledgeable, and I had no fear that he wouldn't make an excellent Number One.

Palin, though. Well, I suppose it could have been worse. And in the whole "if you can't say anything nice" vein, I suppose I could say that it's the best I've ever heard her speak.

But I can't say the whole down-home-"G"-droppin'-winkin'-cutesy attitude endeared her towards me. Worse still was her maddening refusal to answer any question posed and substitution instead of the few talking points she was able to memorize.

What it really came down to for me was when both candidates were asked to detail a time when they changed an opinion or something they believed in (sorry, paraphrasing, too lazy to find a transcript).

Joe Biden recalled a time when he had judged someone prematurely and turned a former failing into a catalyst for personal growth.

Sarah Palin? "I've never compromised." (Again, paraphrasing.)

Realizing you were wrong is not a "compromise" and it's certainly not something to hide. It takes a lot of guts and real self-assurance to admit one's mistakes. Only arrogant fools truly believe that they have never (or, more tellingly still, have never been in a position where they should have) backed down.

And it is this arrogance and this refusal to acknowledge even the possibility that she could be wrong that scares me about her. America's reputation in this world is badly damaged, and it is exactly because of this arrogance. Her oozing superiority and sense of entitlement would be annoying in a tourist abroad; it would be potentially devastating if brought into delicate foreign relations.

So, as petty as it is, the best I can say is that I really liked her suit. I'll bet it would look good on me. Seeing as how I look like her and all.

(An aside: I'm very glad I wasn't playing a drinking game last night whereby I took a swig everytime she uttered the words "also" or "maverick." Or "Washington insider." Although maybe those words work better if one is halfway through a "Joe Six-Pack.")

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My Candle Gots Two Ends, And Both of 'Em's Burnt (Or: Lament of the Working Mother [Or: Oh Baby, I'm So Tired])

 Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Now don't get me wrong: I am very glad that I continue to have an association with a company that, in return for my daily services Monday through Friday, puts a little something in my bank account every couple of weeks.

I am pleased as punch to be a mom, particularly to such usually-awesome-sometimes-less-so kids. I'm pumped to have the opportunity to clean a house when millions would give anything for the safety and security and richness of one small room in it. I lurve that it has a kitchen in which I can play Swedish Chef and borky-borky my way through recipes of my choosing.

I'm thrilled that my passions met the world's needs in the form of my weekly ESL class and I'm joyful to have found a church that provides community once and often twice each week.

And, despite the economic chaos and political trainwrecks, this country ain't half bad.

Nevertheless.

(Perhaps you see where this is going.)

Some days, it kind of feels like it's all a bit much. Actually, every day feels like it's a bit much, just some days bring more energy to tackle that muchness. And lately that energy has been just the slightest bit hard to come by.

The culprit is actually a recently-added innocuous 15 minutes/1 mile. This time/space change that resulted from our move altered the rhythm of the universe oh-so-slightly so that I now have to leave the house 15 minutes earlier in order to get to work on time.

15 minutes isn't all that long if you're talking about an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants or a coffee break or simmering a sauce. But it's the equivalent of 100 years of sleep deprivation when it comes first thing in an already-early morning. Mondays and Tuesdays are okay, Wednesdays are tough, and by the time Friday comes around, I'm wishing that pajamas counted as business casual.

Of course, there's no way I'll borrow from Peter to pay Paul and go to bed 15 minutes earlier. No, if anything, I tend to go to bed 15 minutes later because my tiredness and inefficiency during my pre-supper free time result in no reading time for PM until well into the PM. And so I groan as I set the alarm and think, only six hours until this sucker goes off, and vow to do better the next night.

So while I'm not complaining per se, I am pouting just a wee little bit. Hopefully y'all will be a bit understanding as I work out the kinks in the new schedule and either a) blog less or b) blog the same but with more crotchety.

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