This Hurts Me More than It Hurts You

He's Jekyll and Hyde, people.

Most of the time, he's sweet and sunny (if a little bit busy and energetic at times). He has some trouble with listening, but hey, he's five years old - it goes with the territory.

Where, oh where, did my darling child go?

Oh, I know. The Boy will always be my baby, and if he acts out he's just exploring his limits. But it sure felt like he'd concocted and consumed an elixir designed to reveal his basest instincts last night as I held down a screaming, clawing, biting, kicking (surprisingly strong for his age) child, answering his shouts of "I HATE YOU!!", "You are the meanest mom EVER!!" and "I wish you were old so you would be DEAD!" with calm assurances of my love for him and reminders that he is not allowed to hurt other people.

Yesterday was the second day in a row of this. On Sunday he got kicked out of the practice for the church Christmas pageant.

(Which will seem more or less harsh to you, depending on your viewpoint, when I tell you that I am the director of said pageant and I'm the one who turfed him. We'll see how the week goes as to whether this will be a temporary or a permanent suspension. I don't need some crazed sheep going nuts in the stable and scaring Baby Jesus.)

Of course, in my mind, two days in a row equals a lifetime, and as I played enforcer to my "go to bed early without supper" punishment, I simultaneously saw myself on television, shaking my head sorrowfully and saying, "he was always such a sweet boy" before they cut to my son, grinning fiendishly and remorselessly as he was led away in chains for grand theft auto and wilfull destruction of property.

Sigh.

Interestingly enough, though, I had two thoughts while protecting my face from being scratched:

1) Spanking would cure this.

2) I do not want to spank.

Even though I knew a swat on the bottom would probably shock him to his senses and put him in his place instantly, I also knew that it made zero sense for me to tell him not to hit me because it hurt me and then to turn around and hit him.

Please don't misunderstand me: I do believe that there are situations where spanking becomes necessary. I consider it as a last resort in my behaviour modification toolkit, and have always said that it could become a possibility if all other avenues prove fruitless and we have come to mutual agreement over the course of several, unheated and rational discussions.

Nevertheless, it just seemed so incongruous that I would answer his violence with more violence. That doesn't mean I would put up with further violence; he was harming others and so he was restrained. But I don't see how hitting him sends a message that hitting other people is wrong.

It seems to me that spanking teaches children to behave out of fear. I know it did me. The end may justify the means here; perhaps a few swats on the bum are necessary to provide deterrents until children grow up enough to attain an intrinsic sense of morality. Perhaps it's better to experience the loving disciplinary hand of a parent instead of the far-less-loving and more damaging consequences of the law. Perhaps I'm just a liberal pacifist idealist (raises hand - guilty as charged!). Perhaps you will all say "I told you so" when I admit defeat and administer a well-deserved smack on the ol' toot-smoke-maker in a few months' time.

But in an effort to never have to know for sure, let's all pray that Mr. Hyde goes back into hiding very soon, shall we? And that Dr. Jeykll re-emerges with sweetness and light, bringing radiant sunshine and unquestioning obedience along with soft kisses and warm hugs.

Maybe I'll even be able to cast him as an angel....