From the Department of "Totally Saw This Coming But Makes Me Irate Nonetheless"

Dear Ms. Mae,

Please find enclosed the results of our recent audit of your personal information currently on file with the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA).

You may notice that this notification directly contradicts provides an update to another letter mailed recently directly to your U.S. residence in which we indicated that you were, in fact, eligible for exactly this amount and that we had deposited said amount into your bank account.

You will be pleased to know that this clawback redistribution of wealth represents your contribution to Canada's response to the recent economic crisis gripping the world. Following up my successful disbanding of Parliament for a seven-week holiday desperate attempt to shore up political support brainstorming-session-in-which-I-come-up-with-a-way-to-right-our-country's-ever-present-financial-woes, I have come up with a plan to squeeze blood from a stone reclaim monies distributed erroneously by us to Canadians living abroad.

(Of course, once we subtract the amount it cost us to have bureaucracy in place whereby we assessed your claim the first time, sent you the first letter, submitted the money into your account, reassessed your claim, and sent you the second letter from the actual amount you return to us, we will probably have spent more than if we had just let you keep the money in the first place. However, "liberating money from US bank accounts that rightfully belongs to Canada" has a very nice ring to it and will help me perform well in the polls.)

We appreciate your enthusiastic participation in this endeavour, given your ongoing support of the use of your US tax dollars to fund federal bailouts. Although you are refused the right to vote in both countries and thus have no say in how your tax dollars are spent on either side of the border, we nevertheless are confident that you agree that, with our laudable history of astute financial planning, the Powers that Be on both sides of the 49th are in a better position to know how to spend this money than you.

Wishing you all the best this holiday season,

S. Harper

P.S. We are reassessing the Universal Child Care Benefit payouts next week. Looking forward to speaking with you again soon!