The Goodbye Girl

I loathe saying goodbye. That has made this past weekend somewhat difficult given that we have had several close encounters of the farewell kind.

There is, of course, the obvious - I am sad when I know that I am encountering a person for the final time in this particular version of our relationship. Even if we keep in close contact, even if we visit one another frequently, even if we become more intimate due to more frequent communication, the relationship as I have come to know it will change irrevocably. Saying goodbye to church friends has been particularly difficult in this regard; so many of the ties that bind us are woven by the rhythm of church community: chatting in the foyer, waiting for our kids outside their Sunday School classrooms, meeting in home groups, etc. We will no longer be a part of this rhythm, which is in turn yet another loss.

But there is another facet to my desire to escape the goodbyes, one I only realized this afternoon. We spent time with one of The Girl's best friends from this past school year, and the friend's mother commented that she had cried when she heard we were leaving, as she herself had experienced a friend moving away in kindergarten, had found it difficult, and was now sad for her son.

Which brought home to me what is (I think) the larger reason for my attitude towards goodbyes: I dislike being the cause of another's pain. I prefer to minimize the extent of the damage by cheerfully pointing out we will be back to visit often and that email will connect us through our fingertips. I underestimate my place in the lives of others and reassure myself that I and my family will hardly be missed.

Then I look into the eyes of people to whom I say farewell and am forced to confront their sadness as they, too, feel the pain of this last meeting. It takes tremendous strength to accept that pain and accept that I am part of its cause, and it is often easier to avoid that acceptance.

So to those to whom I have seemed cavalier in my leavetaking, my apologies - it is personal weakness and not disregard that is to blame.

Moving update: The TD visas were successfully secured yesterday, so the kids and I are all set for our travel next Saturday. The Husband left by car at 2:00 today, and, as he has not returned, I can only assume that he made the border crossing equally successfully. Which is good, as he is bringing over my spices which the moving company has refused to transport. My husband, the coriander-runner.