Credit Problems? Word to the Rescue!

So I was just looking at the templates in MS Word 2007 under the "personal" category.

(Yes. This is what I do for fun on Friday nights.)

A quick word on templates: they rock. Not your namby-pamby "here is a cover letter, fill in the date and relevant experience a la Career Mad Libs" kind - I'm talking about styles and formatting and using the template organizer and undergirding your document with a good set of bones here.

(Also: quick tip - put the Developer tab in your ribbon and you've got -hey presto - easy access to your document's current template.)

Anyhoodle, I was slumming it in the namby-pamby section, and I discovered the most fascinating collection of templates. These templates are different from the styles/formatting ones I use - these ones are sample documents, ones that writer's-blocked users or those a little shaky when it comes to wordcraft can use as guides. They're like connect-the-dots letters - there's a bit of a stretch where you're on your own, but there's always a reassuring solid checkpoint within sight.

What's interesting is the topics. Here, ostensibly, are the most common letters that might be written. According to MS designers, the letters in this list represent the most frequent reasons that might prompt someone to click "New Document."

Here is that list, in the order presented:

-Letter to Santa (awww! Nothing says "I deserve a Nintendo DS" like not bothering to write it by hand)

- Complaint about service (presumably so you can whine about Santa's less than enthusiastic response to your letter)

- Request to cancel service (because you never want Christmas to come again)

- Address change notification (just in case that sneaky Santa tries to come down your last known chimney anyway)

- Dispute of charge to credit card company (Ah, yes - that particular marriage of belligerent denial and overuse of credit - must be the US version of the software)

- Notice that payment will be late (Guess that dispute didn't work out so well)

- Power of attorney letter for child care (Dangit - I've always written my own. Who knew you needed hand-holding on this one?)

- Dispute of charges after credit card lost (More disputing!)

- Confirmation that credit card was lost (Guess the disputees disputed right back)

- Request for geneaology records from church (This one threw me. Really? It's that common?)

- Request for geneaology records from funeral home (Firstly - another one? Secondly - they keep those?)

- Thank you letter for personal gift (Because again, nothing says "personal" like opening up Office 2007 and letting someone else do the writing for you)

- Apology for late mailing of payment (Don't think that just cuz you're sorry they won't charge you a bazillion dollars in late fees)

- Request to cancel credit account (See? All that disputing and apologizing and losing - much easier if you just don't have a credit card at all)

- Authorization to perform work (You need that? I thought you just said you could and they believed you...)

- Payment proposal plan to creditor (Looks like you should've cancelled that card a bit earlier...)

- Request for uncertified copy of birth or death certificate (How exactly does an uncertified copy help you? So that you can cross out "Hawaii" and scrawl "Kenya" in crayon?)

- Request of genealogy records from library (Clearly the birthers leave no stone unturned)

- Request that credit card company contact credit bureaus (Look, don't believe me? You call them then)

- Explanation for not contributing (Perfect for those Sunday mornings when the offering plate comes by and all you have is lint in your pockets!)

- Vehicle insurance complaint (Hey, down here if you *have* insurance, that's already pretty awesome)

- Dispute of duplicate credit card charge (And America wonders why everyone thinks they are so litigious?)

- Request for itemized charges on service work (They're suspicious, too)

- Vehicle repair complaint (Cars and complaining...as American as apple pie)

- Vehicle warranty complaint (see above)

And there you have it folks - a window into the letter-writing needs of the American public as envisioned by Micro.soft Corporation.

Sigh.