Vendredi V - I Like to Ride My Bicycle, I Like to Ride My Bike Edition

I wore spandex today. In public. On purpose.

I'm as shocked as you are, honestly. I must protest, though, that the reason for this sartorial sin is a pretty good one: last week, I started to ride my bike to work.

(Aside: commence self-stroking of ego. I am obscenely proud that I have become a cycling commuter - 9 miles each way! I walk into work extremely smug and very self-righteous as I contemplate what I've done to reduce my carbon footprint that day. Plus, it saves money - I save three whole dollars each day that I don't take the bus. So yeah, I'm totally awesome.)

To facilitate said commute, The Husband ordered me a bunch of cycling gear. There's all sorts of strange tubes and Co2 tanks and little tools that apparently work together to be some sort of flat tire kit. (I'm told there is a "how to change a flat tire" lesson scheduled for this weekend. My real plan for a flat tire is to call The Husband at work and make him figure it out, so I'd say I'm already covered as long as my cell phone is charged. But I'll humour him.) I also got a bike computer that will log just how sloooooowly I go (it's still a cruiser, after all).

Aaaand, I got bike shorts. These were actually my idea; I'm a little low on workout gear, and all those people who pass me everyday seem to be enjoying theirs, so I thought I needed a pair.

But I was not aware that they came with a little something extra. They've got all this padding in the *ahem* sensitive region! It's like trying to ride a loaf of bread. Which is probably much appreciated if you have one of those skinny, hard plastic sporty seats. Me? I drive a crooooooser - my seat already has WIDE LOAD written all over it. Superfluous padding simply leads to uncomfortable bunching.

It also reminds me of that fateful day in junior high when I was wearing my awesomest neon bicycle shorts (plus oversized neon T-shirt!) and it was track and field day and the cramps that I thought were due to too much running were actually the harbinger of my First Day as a Woman...

(Entering TMI-land here....sorry.)

Now those bicycle shorts, I loved. Grade eight was allll about the spandex. I looked sixteen ways to awesome in those shorts.

And thinking about them got me reminiscing about:

Top 5 Clothing Items That I Loved Because They Made Me Look Awesome:

1. Grade One - Jelly Shoes - I was always a little late to the party when it came to clothing trends. Extra coinage for frivolous apparel purchases was not easy to come by, so I tended to get Version 3.0 of everything (i.e. once it hit Saan). But -oh!- my jelly shoes were awesome. Everyone else had the hole-y ones that were more like plastic chicken wire than anything. Mine? Solid clear plastic. With black lace lining them. Oh yes.

2. Grades Four-Six - Stirrup Pants - I loved stirrup pants with my entire pre-adolescent heart. For some reason (I think it had to do with a winter outing while wearing denim and having some fairly serious thigh-chafing issues), I declared war on jeans for about three years and wore only stirrup pants. Pants that stayed exactly where they were supposed to at both waist and ankle level? That looked awesome when tucked into boots and topped with a thigh-length oversized men's button-up shirt? Yes please!

3. Grade Six - Harem Pants - Cousins to stirrup pants, harem pants were amazing because they a) were essentially pajamas that you could wear to school and b) let you pretend you were I Dream of Jeannie. Too expensive for me, at first, particularly since my closet was already filled with the aforementioned stirrup pants. BUT! Mama PM was listening to Trading Post one morning and heard about a contest and called in to CHSM and she was the Eighth Caller and SHE WON A PAIR OF FREE HAREM PANTS FROM WAREHOUSE ONE!! Aaaaand, she let me buy a rhinestone patch of my first initial to iron onto them. Those pants were fan-freaking-tastic.

4. Grade Nine - Overalls - Whoever decided that overalls on adults were attractive? They're essentially the clothes that little children wear because they don't ride up when you walk, they give you room for your Buddha-belly, and they allow for easy access to diapers. Nevertheless, they were fashion-forward apparel when I was in junior high. Or maybe I just thought they were. Anyway, my favourite outfit to wear into Mr. Gandhi's English class was my big ol' Alice headband (a la Deelite), my Esprit t-shirt, and my men's large, striped farmer's overalls from Stylerite. No waistline, roomy thighs, and ready for chicken-catching action?* Sign me up!

5. Grade Twelve - My Grad Dress - I loved my grad dress. 1994 was the year of the off-the-shoulder-jewel-toned-fitted-ankle-length-skirt-with-slit-up-the-side. They were a dime a dozen (although, when I think about it, none of my classmates that I know who read this actually wore one like that. Seemed like everyone else did, though). I was in my Victoria phase at the time, and wanted something a little softer. And I found the loveliest floral pattern in lavender and green at Laura Ashley. It had a flouncy ruffle around the wide neck, it was fitted at the waist and flared out to the ever-flattering mid-calf length. It rustled softly when I moved, and I felt like one the prettiest girls in the room.

* Note: I have actually been chicken-catching (that is, running around a chicken barn, eyes streaming from the ammonia, grabbing a panicky, squawking chicken by its ankles, and running as fast as you can to deliver the chicken to its cage destined for the slaughterhouse, all the while trying to avoid being pecked to death). It is exactly as fun as it sounds.