Vendredi V - Black Is the New Black Edition

You have perhaps noticed that I wear black somewhat often. Like, a whole lot. To the tune of my coworkers commenting when I wear a different colour (two days in a row last week! It's a record! Must be spring fever). It's become such a trademark that when The Girl makes a drawing for me, she uses lots of black because "it's your favourite colour, mom, right?"

To some, black is, at best, a good accent colour or a sensible (albeit boring) colour for a go-to pair of pants. At worst, it's a drab, ordinary choice that simply cannot compete with the lavendars, fuschias, and chartreuses of the world. But to me, all that is hogwash as I revel in:

Top 5 Reasons Why I Wear Black All the Time:

1. It suits my vibe. Nothing says "I'm a nerdy semi-colon-loving hater-of-change with technological disabilities who approaches life with paranoid suspicion and a mental red pen" like an all-sable, all-the-time wardrobe. Of course, the same could be said of the-world-is-darkness-wanna-be-goth-chicks or an Earls waitress. But in my case, the cut is different.

2. It hides stains. Given that I end up wearing portions of everything I eat due to a spectacular lack of coordination, a black wardrobe actually lasts longer than any other colour, since evidence of last week's Chipotle quietly joins those of weeks prior and no one is the wiser. Chalk dust was always a problem, though.

3. It is the colour of lots of other awesome things. Like black beans - way better than kidney and leave pinto in the dust! Coffee. My pay-as-you-go cell phone that costs me $7 a month because I never call anyone. Sharpies markers. Or fresh-ground black pepper - I've had a purse-sized pepper grinder on my Christmas list for awhile, but alas, The Husband doesn't take seriously my desire for being able to whip out my own personal supply at will. See item #1.

4. It makes shopping dead easy. I'm in and out of the store in 10 minutes flat because my search is restricted to noir. Of course, this does frequently result in me asking The Husband if he likes my new shirt/skirt/pants/dress and he says, "it's new?" But each item is unique to me, and I mourn each one's loss as though it were the only one.

5. It makes me feel stylish. None other than that great fashion icon Audrey Hepburn advised "you should always wear two colours, and one of them should always be black." (Fun fact: Audrey Hepburn had size 10 feet - if you don't believe me, check out the wedding scene in Funny Face. She and Fred Astaire pretty much don't even need that raft on the picturesque creek as they sail into the sunset - if she can make wookie-girl feet look awesome, so can I!) And this is advice I follow frequently. Of course, I leave out the whole "other colour" most of the time, and just stick to charcoal.

Ooo, I thought of one more. Bonus entry:

6. It allows me to keep my job. I have to get up at 5:00 am most weekdays, and coherent choosing of clothes is not something of which I am capable that early. Or most people: you should see what everyone else is wearing when I manage to catch the 5:55 bus. When everything's black, it all matches, and as long as I make sure to grab both a top and a bottom, I'm good to go.